Alas it’s been a while dear readers. I’m afraid… Of the dark. I thought I’ll just put that out there.
So, like the acidic fire water the Alchemists deemed special, The Dangerous Kitchen are back—not sure how that relates, but whatever.
First of all, it’s taken a long time, but by what seems like sheer unobtainable and bizarre luck, Valve decided to accept us in their somewhat steamy company and so… we’ve been Greenlit! We almost forgot about it and then bam, it’s happened. Thanks to all those who voted and shared and generally existed in a manner that allowed the universe to Greenlight us.
Domo Arigato Mr. De Mambo
After the glory of the Tokyo Games Show last year, we realised we crave more! More! MORE! And so, The Dangerous Kitchen are heading back to the land of the rising sun, to exhibit De Mambo at TGS 2016. We really have to thank our publisher, the great Chorus Worldwide for again giving us this immense opportunity. We can’t wait to go back to Akihabara—I mean TGS.
Oh and I suppose we should mention that after a lot of back and forth, pizza-eating and general trials of power that tested our mental, physical and spiritual worth, Chorus have decided that we are worthy of being published in Asia! De Mambo will be seen loitering in Japan, China, Korea and Taiwan at some point down the line so look out!
Since we’ve had a few complaints about how our updates are too pizza focused and there’s not enough game content, well, luckily for you, we don’t listen and so here is a poem dedicated to pizza.
Pizza, I love you and I always will your bewitching base, is the earth we stand on and your sensual sauce, the fire Prometheus gave to us, your captivating cheese is the very sun shining down on us. I love you pizza, and I always will.
For L.R.G My Star, My Perfect Silence.
New Stuff in De Mambo
So De Mambo… The one game that will rule them all. We have some new content to show you guys, so without further ado, another poem! Just kidding…
We’ve changed up single player mode into something a lot more flawless, and victorious… Instead of the ol’ ‘Zelda II meets Wario Ware’ pitch of yore, the new single player—whilst still retaining the Wario Ware—is a lot more combatant, especially for mortals. The original design for single player is something we want to keep for Super De Mambo, as it will require a lot more planning and thought to get perfect.
De Mambo’s ‘Solo Mode’ is a thrilling Science Fiction action adventure that instead of taking you across the galaxy and to fascinating alien worlds, you’ll climb some sort of impending tower of doom and experience various challenges—oh and lest we forget, there is an egg-cellent surprise at the end of this egg-citing journey!
‘Solo Mode’ will be inhabited by a heap of odd non-playable characters such as the endlessly useful and all-purpose ‘Traffic Cone Turtle’, a true marvel of games design. Hit the ‘Traffic Cone Turtle and watch it squirm!
And introducing, this character who has no name! Such a brutish brute, this fellow will rush at you full force until it brutally bashes you away!
We’ve finally reached the end of this behemoth update, so for those of you who made it all the way to the end, congratulations on wasting your life.